OK where do I start?......Ah yes let's start with the blinking Atkins diet. Sue and I thought it a good idea to lose weight and get into our party frocks for the book launch. We have this bright idea 2 weeks before the event so a bit late I admit but the Atkins diet can work wonders right?
So, for 1 whole week now I've been surviving on celery, bacon, tomatoes and eggs and, apart from being egg bound, I'm astounded to find out I haven't lost one single, solitary pound! Not one…nothing, nada, nowt, nicht, bugger all in fact! On Day 4, Sue exclaimed that she lost 2 pounds but for me, nothing! Today is day 7 or 8 or whatever it is….so having lost nothing I decided to go through my food filled cupboards and eat all the blinking carbs I could get my hands on.
I started with a bowl of Oatibix…WITH MILK…then 3 rich tea biscuits, a slice of cake, lollipop and ended with a great big beans laden fry up!!
Yes sugars, carbs fat and more carbs….and my next stop is the chocolate shop……..because at the end of the day, if I can't shift weight by NOT eating my favorite things, what's the bloody point?????? There must be men out there who like the plumper woman, but in my party dress I have the appearance of walnuts fighting in a condom! And that my friends, is what I embody…and I'm gonna have to learn to put up with it! No more bloody celery, no more bad breath and dizziness my friends. I am free to kiss again!!!!
……………………Oops, sorry, just had to stop then to make a cup of tea and grab a biscuit…..with MILK!!!!! OK so I'm off my soap box now…in fact I should look on the positive stuff I've done today, I did have a little bit of success….I managed to book a couple of Pratt's into a hotel for our book launch so that was good! The Pratt's are Sue's parents so gotta be kind and try not to take the pee!!!! So, I maybe disillusioned and fat, but I sorted 2 Pratt's out and its Bank Holiday….where I'm going to line up Baileys, wine and chocolate!!! Girdle! Here I come!!!!
Enjoy!
PS and No Sue, the fact that I ate a sandwich, chocolate brownie and bag of chips last night should have no affect on the situation…….I should have lost it all by then anyway!
Went on Atkins, gained 7 lbs. - discovered I can't eat creamy sauces and a side a beef 23 hours a day and take an hour off just for dessert...oh well...thanks for the follow on Typepad, us blondes have to stick together!
Posted by: Nan | 30/08/2009 at 03:17 AM